30 days of Letters

A letter, such a simple, easy thing to write, yet so difficult and so rarely used.  I’m embarking on a challenge of writing 30 letters, one per day, to various people and ideas. Now, most of these letters I can’t actually send.  I found this challenge on Habitica, and I love the concept.  I write to my grandma (not as often as I should) and I miss that people don’t write more letters to one another. The ones I can’t actually send I’m going to post here, because, well, why not?  To give you an idea of what’s coming, here are the 30 days:

Day 1: Your Best Friend *Mailed

Day 2: A crush (I picked my husband) *Written, not delivered

Day 3: Your parents *Written, not mailed yet

Day 4: A sibling/close family member (I’m picking grandma)

Day 5: About your dreams

Day 6: A stranger

Day 7: Your ex boyfriend/girlfriend

Day 8: Your favorite internet friend (I’m just going to pick a different friend on this one)

Day 9: Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10: Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11: A deceased person

Day 12: The person who caused you a lot of pain

Day 13: Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14: Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15: The person you miss the most

Day 16: Someone not in your state/country

Day 17: Someone from your childhood

Day 18: The person you wish you could be

Day 19: Someone that pesters your mind– good or bad

Day 20: The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21: Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22: Someone you want to give a second chance

Day 23: The last person you kissed

Day 24: The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25: The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26: The last person you made a promise to

Day 27: The friendliest person you know

Day 28: Someone that changed your life

Day 29: The person that you want to tell everything to, but are afraid

Day 30: Your reflection in the mirror

So not all of these are things I can mail, or would want to mail. But the ones I can’t, I’ll post here.  And update on what I’ve mailed or not mailed, as the case may be.

Letter writing just resonates with me, maybe it’s because our mailboxes are full of bills and junk and advertisements to buy things; I mean, when was the last time you opened your mailbox and it held a letter?  My grandma writes me, even when I don’t write her very often, and it always makes my heart glad when I see that letter in the mail.

What do you think? Maybe embark on this challenge with me or at least write a note to a loved one?

Wistful Whistler

Image

This is part of a painting by James Abbott McNeil Whistler.  He is my favorite artist. I once had the opportunity to visit the Freer Museum in Washington DC which houses a large collection of his paints.  I could have stayed all day staring at his work– his pieces really resonate with me.

Today I realized why that is.  Do you see the model’s wistful, sad expression?  That is how I feel today.  I know I have no business feeling that way, but that’s how I feel, and I think Whistler captures that expression and sentiment so perfectly in his work. 

I just got finished on a film set and I find so disheartening at the end of the day when I realize I haven’t made any friends or forged any great connections because I sometimes really suck at talking to people.  I can just be the most awkward duck.  Maybe it’s because I overthink everything and in the moments of indecision about what I should say next I say nothing. And continue saying nothing.  Or try and break the silence and end up asking a stupid question. It just sucks.  I feel like it makes me seem like the most boring, one dimensional person on the set.  I don’t even know if I would want to talk to me, I find me so lacking in social skills.  I script supervise and it can be a very lonely position, no built in buddy to chat with. Maybe it’s just because I’m in that watchful, thoughtful frame of mind that I find it hard to switch gears and be “on”. Because I can be a major charmer and make friends with ease, I just can’t on set.  I’m all business and no pleasure.  And at the end of the day (or weekend) it can really bug me.

So, yes, dear internet, you get to hear my sad pity party rant about how I can suck at being friendly.  Thanks for being there blogosphere. Good strangers it’s nice to have someone to tell– I can’t share this sentiment with my friends or husband because they don’t understand. They say “but you’re so friendly” “just talk to people” “don’t worry about it, you’re fine” “just be more friendly” but it doesn’t seem that easy.  I try to talk but have nothing to say.  I just want it to feel more organic and less forced. 

I probably just need to get out of my own head.